“Tom
you are the head of the spear
blazing new trails for Christian men hurting from the pain of CSA.
It’s difficult to be out there in front taking all the flack,
stereotypes and misnomers in the faith community. Keep being a
voice for us because we need you. We will be the shaft of the
spear to support you. Your workshops are challenging and
life-changing. I hope more Christian men and leaders will be
open to supporting you instead of ignoring you.”
– Ray-
My therapist and wife really urged me to attend the
retreat. I was afraid. However, I was so glad that I attended.
When I returned home the pace of dealing with the issues with the
therapist increased exponentially. The retreat placed me on the fast
track toward healing. I attribute this to several things (1)
Thomas is very skillful in facilitating the retreat and working
toward my desire goal in just 72 hours, awesome! (2) I like my
therapist, but there was great value in having a person who can
relate because they have experienced the abuse (3) the section on
masculinity was just what I needed, I felt almost like it was
tailored made for me (4) it's phenomenal to have a place where I can
really share my deepest fears of the abuse with other men and not be
condemned or judged for that. I often would overcompensate in
the masculinity area because I was afraid I would be labeled gay
because of the abuse. (5) it just felt wonderful to be able to
express the emotion of the abuse to other men. It was like of
rite of passage. Once again, Thomas help by provide a
different way of thinking and strategies to use. The
best thing I offer to others is this testimony. If you are
sitting on the fence trying to decide if you should attend the
retreat or not, ATTEND! Even if you feel your counseling/therapy is
going well, ATTEND! Thanks Jill for encouraging me to attend.
Thank you Thomas for dedicating your time to this and helping men
like me! - Joseph-
As I leave this workshop
and this beautiful part of the country, I wanted to express my
utmost thanks and respect for who you are and what you do. You
have a unique gift being able to get survivors of CSA on the road to
recovery. I came here a little over 72 hours ago one person
and now leave a changed person. Thanks to you I am
extremely grateful...
Ryan
I
probably respresent a myriad of pastors
and men in church leadership who struggle with some of the effects
of CSA. It has been difficult all these years holding this
destructive secret inside and attempting to rescue myself. I
am certain that many adult male survivors in religious roles fall
into this same category. I really want to thank you for
providing a perspective for helping me to see how the pornography
served as a defensive mechanism to cope with what happened to me.
It doesn't excuse the behavior; however it has provided answers to
understanding some the behavior and strategies for battling it.
As a pastor, I have always shied away from psychological reasoning.
Like many others in the religious world I saw it as an enemy.
Now, 72 hours later I hold a different perspective in the way that
you incorporated this science as validated in biblical truth.
The addiction cycle spelled out in James and verified with science
was amazing....I had never been exposed to this type of
collaboration.
As a pastor I ask your forgiveness for the harsh attitude the first
day. I was scared, frustrated, terrified that some my deepest
darkest hurts, pains and issues would be revealed and some were.
Yet, I began to realize this retreat was a place of safety not
condemnation. You and the others were accepting of hearing my
journey with CSA. Thomas I return to my congregation a
different pastor, a different man, one who will be more transparent.
One who will also be referring other men to your retreat.
God Bless You - William
“Tom
What can I say? You are a
miracle-worker and an excellent cook. I was not looking
forward to attending this workshop and yet it has been a wonderful
and rewarding experience. You related to us like no other
individual has been able too. I look forward to yet another
rewarding , yet mentally challenging day. In just 24 hours you
have help me face 20 years of destructive defensive mechanisms.
When you shared and explained them using your own life as an example
my heart raced, "This guy really gets it...it's like he's reading my
mind." I'm scared, but also excited about what the remaining
48 hours will bring. That's another result. In the past,
there is no way I would have admitted to another guy that I was
struggling or scared. However your session on creating real
manhood has helped me take a different perspective on a difficult
subject for CSA survivors.
- Wes-
